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Ask Sam: Gotham My Primary Polyamorous Bisexual Lover

Ask Sam: Gotham My Primary Polyamorous Bisexual Lover

There have been others along the way, but the city is my primary love.

I love her even when we fight. I storm out, she abandons me, she has an affair and no longer showers me with affection. I get crazy jealous! I’m prepared to go the distance, I know she is polyamorous by nature and fickle. I must accept all of her as she is or give her up completely – I can’t!

We share this island like a giant swingers party, making Manhattan a breeding ground for polyamory. How she’s built makes her fertile ground for non monogamous arrangements. Her tiny studio apartments are hard enough for one person to live in so why on earth would you want to share that space with another person, even if you love them?

Nobody comes here to settle down and get married. We come here to follow our dreams and pursue our careers. This is a city of hustlers, workaholics and career obsessed people.

It’s a town that is ripe for polyamory, swinging and all kinds of other arrangements.

If you wanted to mate, you would have left. Manhattan attracts kindred spirits. You already chose her as your primary love, and selected your career over mating when you came here to hook up with her. She is your priority, dating others is secondary. But you were hopeful, assumed that somewhere along the way, you would find someone. For some that happens, but not the majority of us.

It takes her a while to strip away our naïveté, till we understand that a great romp doesn’t mean she’s going to marry us. Eventually, you aspire to be like the glamorous characters in old movies, dressed the nines, having a very sophisticated conversation while dancing a slow and comfortable Foxtrot in some smoky underground gin joint while the band plays. The arrangement of our affair, an unspoken understanding between us. I stay infatuated and she keeps me in an apartment that I pay for.

She’s a bit like Roger the alien on American Dad. With so many personalities to satisfy, of course she needs more than any one person can give. When I leave she draws me back. She can break my heart at a moments notice and inspire me the next. I love her.

You know she’s never going to change, accept the city and that your love life will be like a revolving door of dating. Unless we want to stay home with cats, we create a private social club of our own, including a web of lovers ranging from long term friends with benefits and different kinds of companions to satisfy our diverse palettes. You love them all.

All these years and I’ve just begun to know her zones, still exploring her hot spots. I’m addicted to her surprises, still fascinated by her charms. I understand that I can not be her one and only. All of us who have come here and remained, stay because we are like her. Other lovers take a backseat role compared to what we have going on with her. You realize you are not the center of the universe, she is. So you get with the program, if she can have other lovers, so can you. So you do…and then you’re all in bed together, bound by your shared obsession…Gotham.

You find other people to love her with and have now consciously joined the orgy. Connecting with other people to share her mood swings with. You take turns playing house together, not in the absurd nightmare of your Disney princess fantasies, but a lucid consensual orgy where you’re all in bed together, all needing the ingredients that one person alone can not provide. We dream of happily ever after in a psychotic white picket fence euphoria, then after a few nights of playing truth or dare with the city, we find ourselves looking in the window of Tiffany at dawn in our fur coat, sunglasses, and last nights outfit. We start to like it that way, extreme and eccentric.

Your mature now and accept that love ebbs and flows, when it’s unselfish it lives in abundance.

The reason you understand her is you’ve been with the old queen for so long you know what she’s like. She loves you in her fashion, but she can never have just one love. She’s made to love differently. Her polyamorous nature is the price we pay for her open mindedness, and tolerance.

The years brought you not to a mid life crisis, but rather an understanding that our time is short. She rubs off on us, revealing our true self over time. We become more like her, inttense and eccentric.

We finally accept her as she is and ourselves as we are. We stay because we love it this way, hard and fast. Live your love.

Ask Sam

Samantha von Sperling is a lifestyle guru who has spent her entire career going above and beyond to help her clients achieve their goals. “When asked what I do, I will tell you that I “Spit shine” people and things for a living. My arsenal of expertise helps smooth out the rough spots, whether it’s your look, the space you inhabit, or how you interact with the world around you. Our goal is to help you feel more comfortable in your skin and confident in your ability to handle any social situation with panache! Keen insight and fresh perspective is the first step to attaining your goal. Everything in life at some level is a matter of packaging and a game of seduction, a new job, a step up a ladder, the winning over of clients and friends or the conquest of your desire. Tell me what you want, what you need, even if it seems trivial, personal or impossible. If I can’t help you, I’ll tell you. If I can, it shall be done.” Samantha was raised in a sophisticated family where entertaining international guests was de rigueur; refined manners, elegant dress, proper posture, the art of conversation, and ballroom dancing are second nature to her. Her education is a continuation of a lifelong passion for the arts and a foundation for her business. Armed with a degree from New York University in Educational Theatre with a concentration in Speech Communications – also a classically trained ballroom dancer and actress – von Sperling set out the offer the world a new approach to the old concept of finishing. She uses her diverse talents through innovative group seminars or with one-on-one consultations. By utilizing all her skills and training, von Sperling has fulfilled requests from royal families, diplomats, politicians, celebrities, CEOs, companies big and small, regular joes, and soccer moms. Ms. von Sperling has appeared in print publications such as The New York Times, TIME Magazine, O The Oprah Magazine, Bloomberg Businessweek, and The Wall Street Journal, to name a few. She appears as a guest expert on numerous television programs, and currently contributes as ImageGal for and writes her own column, “Ask Sam” for Time Square Chronicles which she counts amongst her great joys in life. Samantha von Sperling from POLISHED Social Image Consultants has been on the forefront of the image consulting industry for a decade, helping to bring out the best in you – from the boardroom to the ballroom.

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