There have been others along the way, but the city is my primary love.
I love her even when we fight. I storm out, she abandons me, she has an affair and no longer showers me with affection. I get crazy jealous! I’m prepared to go the distance, I know she is polyamorous by nature and fickle. I must accept all of her as she is or give her up completely – I can’t!
We share this island like a giant swingers party, making Manhattan a breeding ground for polyamory. How she’s built makes her fertile ground for non monogamous arrangements. Her tiny studio apartments are hard enough for one person to live in so why on earth would you want to share that space with another person, even if you love them?
Nobody comes here to settle down and get married. We come here to follow our dreams and pursue our careers. This is a city of hustlers, workaholics and career obsessed people.
It’s a town that is ripe for polyamory, swinging and all kinds of other arrangements.
If you wanted to mate, you would have left. Manhattan attracts kindred spirits. You already chose her as your primary love, and selected your career over mating when you came here to hook up with her. She is your priority, dating others is secondary. But you were hopeful, assumed that somewhere along the way, you would find someone. For some that happens, but not the majority of us.
It takes her a while to strip away our naïveté, till we understand that a great romp doesn’t mean she’s going to marry us. Eventually, you aspire to be like the glamorous characters in old movies, dressed the nines, having a very sophisticated conversation while dancing a slow and comfortable Foxtrot in some smoky underground gin joint while the band plays. The arrangement of our affair, an unspoken understanding between us. I stay infatuated and she keeps me in an apartment that I pay for.
She’s a bit like Roger the alien on American Dad. With so many personalities to satisfy, of course she needs more than any one person can give. When I leave she draws me back. She can break my heart at a moments notice and inspire me the next. I love her.
You know she’s never going to change, accept the city and that your love life will be like a revolving door of dating. Unless we want to stay home with cats, we create a private social club of our own, including a web of lovers ranging from long term friends with benefits and different kinds of companions to satisfy our diverse palettes. You love them all.
All these years and I’ve just begun to know her zones, still exploring her hot spots. I’m addicted to her surprises, still fascinated by her charms. I understand that I can not be her one and only. All of us who have come here and remained, stay because we are like her. Other lovers take a backseat role compared to what we have going on with her. You realize you are not the center of the universe, she is. So you get with the program, if she can have other lovers, so can you. So you do…and then you’re all in bed together, bound by your shared obsession…Gotham.
You find other people to love her with and have now consciously joined the orgy. Connecting with other people to share her mood swings with. You take turns playing house together, not in the absurd nightmare of your Disney princess fantasies, but a lucid consensual orgy where you’re all in bed together, all needing the ingredients that one person alone can not provide. We dream of happily ever after in a psychotic white picket fence euphoria, then after a few nights of playing truth or dare with the city, we find ourselves looking in the window of Tiffany at dawn in our fur coat, sunglasses, and last nights outfit. We start to like it that way, extreme and eccentric.
Your mature now and accept that love ebbs and flows, when it’s unselfish it lives in abundance.
The reason you understand her is you’ve been with the old queen for so long you know what she’s like. She loves you in her fashion, but she can never have just one love. She’s made to love differently. Her polyamorous nature is the price we pay for her open mindedness, and tolerance.
The years brought you not to a mid life crisis, but rather an understanding that our time is short. She rubs off on us, revealing our true self over time. We become more like her, inttense and eccentric.
We finally accept her as she is and ourselves as we are. We stay because we love it this way, hard and fast. Live your love.
Ask Sam: Interview with Tasha Lacy for Hoop for Your Heart
In Honor of February Heart Awareness Month
Ask Sam: Interview with CJW
Ask Sam: I’m back! Better than ever!
It’s been an honor to write this column all these years alongside a privilege to write about various lifestyle topics, especially pertinent to us city dwellers, and have the freedom to speak my mind to all of you in a way I hope made you smile. I could not write all these articles about striving to be our best, unless I understood that our best is an elusive thing.
You can watch Samantha here
We are always growing and changing. The way we balance our wobble board of life is always shifting as we fight to maintain balance. Through the course of this shifting and striving, even if it’s just by a breath, the idea is to be better than yesterday. That’s the best we can do.
I’ve been quiet for a while so that I may put myself through a metamorphosis that has taken me some time to incubate my chrysalis. With a bigger wingspan, I can fly and I am excited to finally be able to share the launch of my rebrand with you!
After a shining 20 years as the director of Polished Social Image Consultants – I took a hiatus to get married, author my book “90 Days to Husband No.2,” develop, reinvent, and remerge as www.samanthabessudodrucker.com – lifestyle genie. “Let me wave my wand!”
30 years ago, I started out as an actress and ballroom dancer. Morphed into a makeup artist and stylist, then became a celebrity image consultant for 20 years with clients from around the world including 2 royal families. I took some time off to design a new chapter after marrying my 2nd husband – architect Jeffery Drucker, rebrand, and develop projects that allow me to reach a greater audience.
As a Lifestyle Genie, I help people become the best version of themselves in all aspects, including image, wardrobe, grooming, style, and beauty. Alongside etiquette, social grace, communication skills, romantic advice, and interior design.
I am delighted to be back.
2022 Wall Street Run & Heart Walk With Samantha Bessudo Drucker
On my 41st birthday – I received three stents in my heart.
It was after an eight-week hiatus from running due to injury, and I could not wait to get back to it. I was 10 minutes into a run when I didn’t feel right. It felt like my heart was beating in my throat and there was a pulsing sensation in my muscles that felt like fatigue after an exhausting workout.
Two days later while visiting the dentist, I told him everything that was happening to me. He wanted me to see a doctor right away. I visited a local clinic that ran tests. My pulse, blood pressure and EKG all came back normal. Everyone told me, ”You’re young, you’re fit, you’re female, you’re fine.” Writing it off as an anxiety attack, they actually gave me a prescription for Klonopin. But with hereditary high cholesterol and both my parents having heart attacks, I demanded an Echo Stress Test. I was scheduled for an angiogram the next day.
Hours later when I woke up, Dr. Coppola came into see me. He said, “In my 30 years as a cardiologist, I’ve never seen a heart like yours. Both of your arteries were blocked. I had to put three stents in your heart immediately. It’s a miracle that you are still here after having a heart attack in progress the past five days. The only explanation I can give is that your years as an athlete created other passageways for blood to flow.”
Shock washed over me as I processed what he was saying. Dr. Coppola continued telling me that I was young and strong and would be okay. – Best birthday present ever!
I started the cardiac rehab program at NYU Langone, where I did cardio attached to a monitor to strengthen my heart again. It gave me the confidence to push myself and get back to my former athletic self. I was able to run the AHA Wall Street 5K, just nine months after the stents were put in. I no longer felt like a victim due to my diagnosis.
Heart disease and stroke cause 1 in 3 deaths among women each year – more than all cancers combined. I beat the odds. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. I exercise 4 to 5 times a week. I follow a gluten-free and plant-based diet. I spend time with people and animals that make me happy. I realize how precious life is.
I was asked to be a spokesperson for the American Heart Association. I was honored to be asked to share my story and help raise awareness about heart disease. I’m grateful for the advances in medicine that gave me a new lease on life.
When it comes to your health, I tell everyone to trust his, her or their instincts. No one knows your body better than you. I want to continue to share my personal experience and encourage people to make their heart a priority. Life is why.
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