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Gemma’s Gem of the Week: Boundaries Are Not Burdens

Published

2 years ago

September 24, 2021

“I’m sorry, am I being too much?” “I’m afraid of looking clingy.” “No, it’s okay – don’t worry about it.” “I don’t want to be a burden.”

These are just a few of many common phrases used when it comes to avoiding setting the necessary boundaries for ourselves. Don’t get me wrong – the anxiety, stress, and hesitation surrounding asserting these boundaries is absolutely valid, and can stem from many experiences and behavioral patterns. If we’re raised to believe in the consequences of any capacity for speaking our minds, we learn that repressing how we’re feeling is a safety mechanism. If we’ve experienced an unhealthy relationship in which we might not have felt/been safe, we learn that repressing how we’re feeling is a safety mechanism.

The list only goes on.

Specifically growing up as a queer-identifying femme woman in an incredibly heteronormative society made me believe that using my voice in her louder, rawer nature was “too much.” That it’s not “attractive” for a woman to be openly emotional. Or to set boundaries if she’s feeling disrespected or uncomfortable. Or to say no.

It deeply saddens me to see a stigma so prominently geared towards silence over truth.

Instead, we should be learning how to set boundaries. We should be learning how to stand up for ourselves during an uncomfortable situation. We should be learning about the power that comes from speaking our truth, and how to navigate a situation where we may be concerned for our safety. Learning to be silent is a violence in itself that comes with its own set of consequences.

Recently, I was spending time with my friend Isabelle on a Friday night. Two men kept trying to interrupt our conversation to flirt. She finally turned to them, looked them in the eye, and firmly said, “Hey, I’m having a conversation with my friend right now. I can’t talk to you.”

They didn’t bother us for the rest of the night.

Watching her be so assertive and grounded made me feel safe. It encouraged me to do the same moving forward. It also confirmed that this ridiculous stigma of being “too much” for asserting our truths is complete, utter b/s.

My friend was fierce and powerful. And that made all the difference.

I’ve had countless experiences where I’ve felt uncomfortable and wanted to say something or take action, but didn’t out of fear – and I’m working very hard to change that. But it’s not easy when it’s so ingrained into our systems to “just be quiet.”

One of my biggest classroom rules is teaching my students that it’s okay to say no. Many of them are navigating this uncertain adjustment period of being in-person again, and a lot of these students are going to need extra time to properly settle in. Too often I’ve seen students and children scolded for saying “no”, and it’s time that we start actively listening and using a deeper sense of understanding.

Setting boundaries sets a tone that says, “I deserve to be treated better. I respect myself enough to stand up for myself. I am worthy of healthy relationships and open communication.”

We are worthy of respect. We deserve to feel like we are easy to love. We are worthy of relationships that lift us up and encourage us to be the best versions of ourselves. And most importantly, we are worthy of speaking our truths and prioritizing our well-being no matter what.

About the Author

Gemma is the author of The Shape of Something New. Read more articles by Gemma on Times Square Chronicle.

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Gemma Farquhar is the writer of "Gemma's Gem of the Week" and author of "The Shape of Something New." She is passionate about the future of storytelling and welcomes all ages to her column.

Columns

My View: Who Knew Broadway and 42nd Street Ran All The Way to Boca/Delray…The Wick Theatre

Published

2 weeks ago

November 19, 2023

Stephen Sorokoff

Who knew 42nd Street and Broadway ran all the way down to Boca/Delray and end at The Wick Theatre and Museum Club! In an event yesterday afternoon that rivaled any Broadway Opening Night Party, Marilynn & Kimberly Wick celebrated the opening of The Wick’s 2023/2024 season with a spectacular immersive exhibition of “Dancing Feet” The Experience, 42nd Street. They also had in attendance none other than the star of the original Tony Award Winning Broadway show (42nd Street) Lee Roy Reams on the Museum Club’s Stage to add commentary, sing, and have a fun filled talk back with the audience. Lee Roy, who starred as Billy Lawlor in the 1980 production, shared many anecdotes about the musical during the video presentation, including insights about renowned choreographer Gower Champion and his untimely death on the day of the show’s Broadway opening. The legendary show went on to win the Tony Award for Best Musical and Best Choreography. While Reams continued his illustrious career in musical theatre, starring in numerous Broadway shows including The Producers and La Cage Aux Folles, and at The Wick, he created a sensation with his role as Dolly Levi in Hello, Dolly!

“The Wick is breaking new ground in both entertainment and technology by creating these immersive experiences that both entertain and educate audiences about the history of Broadway,” said Kimberly Wick, curator. “As the owners of the largest Broadway costume collection in the nation, we are thrilled to add this innovation as another way to preserve the incredible artistry of our past for generations to come.”

Last year, The Wick Costume Museum underwent a dramatic high-tech transformation, resulting in a stunning new venue, rechristened The Museum Club at The Wick. The completely renovated space thrilled guests with 360-degree immersive video experiences, historic costume displays, dining, and entertainment.

LEE ROY REAMS

LEE ROY REAMS & MARILYNN WICK

MARILYNN WICK & KIMBERLY WICK

LEE ROY REAMS

KIMBERLY WICK

DANCING FEET

LEE ROY REAMS

MICHAEL URSUA & LEE ROY REAMS

THE MUSEUM CLUB

JOHN McDANIEL, EDA SOROKOFF, LEE ROY REAMS

THE MUSEUM CLUB

EDA SOROKOFF & MARILYNN WICK

COMING ATTRACTIONS

COMING ATTRACTINS

Columns

My View: No Pause In The Laughter At Menopause The Musical 2

Published

3 weeks ago

November 13, 2023

Stephen Sorokoff

The hysterical sequel to the smash-hit Menopause The Musical is finally here and it’s National Tour landed at the Aventura Cultural Center in Florida this week. America, get ready to cheer and laugh on a cruise through “The Change” with your beloved ladies 5 years after their chance encounter in a department store. They have nothing in common but memory loss, hot flashes, night sweats, not enough sex, too much sex and more! This hilarious musical parody set to classic tunes from the 60s, 70s, and 80s, will have you dancing in the aisles as the audience did at the performance we attended ( and has been doing since the original Menopause The Musical opened 20 years ago). If you think #1 was #1 wait till you see # 2.

Aventura Cultural Center

CURTAIN CALL

AVENTURA CULTURAL CENTER

STEPHEN SOROKOFF, SETH GREENLEAF, EDA SOROKOFF, KEN GREENBLATT, SANDI GREENBLATT

SETH GREENLEAF GFOUR PRODUCTIONS

KEN GREENBLATT, & JOSH FRIEDMAN, VP alumni & admissions UNIV OF MIAMI

COMMING ATTRACTION

Columns

My View: Maestro Steven Reineke Rehearses The New York Pops for Tonight’s Concert

Published

1 month ago

October 27, 2023

Stephen Sorokoff

The New York Pops under the baton of Maestro Steven Reineke kicks off the 2023-2024 season at Carnegie Hall tonight. The concert celebrates 21st Century Broadway. We were there as guest artists Haley Kilgore, Derek Klena, Javier Munoz and Ali Stroker rehearsed with the orchestra.

Check out the photos

Steven Reineke, music director, conductor The New York Pops

HAILEY KILGORE

HAILEY KILGORE & STEVEN REINEKE

JAVIER MUNOZ

DEREK KLENA

ALI STROKER

ALI STROKER & DEREK KLENA

CARNEGIE HALL

Cabaret

My View: The Rolls Royce Of Music At Cafe Carlyle…. John Pizzarelli & Jessica Molaskey

Published

1 month ago

October 26, 2023

Stephen Sorokoff

Henry Royce and Charles Rolls joined forces to create something that became an everlasting expression of excellence, and that’s exactly what John Pizzarelli and Jessica Molaskey create. Their musical virtuosity, artistry, creativity, and personalities took last night’s Cafe Carlyle audience ( which included Maestro Steven Reineke of the New York Pops) on a musical journey that was smooth, elegant, and exciting. It’s their 17th year at Cafe Carlyle and here are some of my photos of a great evening. What a special birthday present for me in my __ year.

JOHN PIZZARELLI & JESSICA MOLASKEY

JOHN PIZZARELLI

JOHN PIZZARELLI & JESSICA MOLASKEY

JOHN PIZZARELLI

CAFE CARLYLE

MARY PIZZARELLI, ERIC GABBARD, STEVEN REINEKE, EDA SOROKOFF

ERIC GABBARD & STEVEN REINEKE

JESSICA MOLASKEY & EDA SOROKOFF

JOHN PIZZARELLI & EDA SOROKOFF

STEPHEN SOROKOFF

Cabaret

My View: Jamie deRoy….You’ve Got A Friend (s)

Published

1 month ago

October 24, 2023

Stephen Sorokoff

Jamie can sing you a song, recount a show biz story, get you tickets to one of her Broadway shows, meet you at the movies, remember a cast members name you can’t recall, or attend a memorial with you……and if you’re a really good friend you might even get a photo with her!

Birdland and Jim Caruso rolled out the Red Carpet as Jamie deRoy and friends descended at the legendary club last night. It was another great variety show packed with Jamie’s super talented famous friends on stage as well as in the audience.

Appearing in this segment of Jamie deRoy & friends were Tony Danza, Nikki M. James, Daisy Jopling, Nicolas King & Seth Sikes, and Steven Scott. Barry Kleinbort directed with musical direction by Ron Abel, Ray Marchica, drums Ritt Henn, bass.