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Gemma’s Gem of the Week: Emotional Intimacy

Gemma’s Gem of the Week: Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy stands on a level of its own. This deeper level of vulnerability and understanding adds a heightened layer to intimacy overall. It’s undeniable that there’s something incredibly alluring about this type of closeness.

I was recently having an intellectual discussion with someone that aligned with this powerful description of intimacy. Releasing the veil and allowing yourself to be seen and heard is a glorious thing. When people are synced up to the point of subconsciously understanding feelings of mutuality without verbal confirmation, I swear it’s life-altering. Because of this, I was reminiscing on countless, life-changing experiences of mine. In the most meaningful moments of my life, I’m not over-thinking. I’m not worrying. I’m surrendering to the sheer beauty and freedom of the moment.

Letting go like that is other-worldly. Suddenly, it doesn’t feel as tempting to hand over power to the things that are not in our best interest. Soul-sharing to me has never been about exclusivity; but rather, the encouragement of inclusivity and fluidity. 

Intimacy normally falls under the common definition of “pleasure”, specifically “physical pleasure.” While this is one definition, there are various meanings linked to the word. There is intimacy in deep listening. There is intimacy in developing trust with someone, and navigating the more challenging days. There is intimacy in hard discussions and complex emotions. Let’s not limit our accomplishments and progress to the things that solely feel overly grand, joyous, or easy. It is a gift to be able to navigate the obstacles that come naturally throughout this human experience. There is far more beauty out there than we are programmed to see. The less we box ourselves in, the more naturally this clarity can reveal itself. 

Love and intimacy are fluid and ever-changing. They were never about control or attachment. Attachment often means “the fear of losing someone or something.” Finding the ability to release that frame of thinking creates space for love and freedom to rise to the surface.  

To further elaborate, I’ll present you with this question that I heard recently: Why is the measure of love loss? Why is love so often mixed with personal sacrifices or control? How about we start seeing love as unconditional? How about we stop categorizing love as being “as selfless as possible”, and instead, embrace the idea of loving ourselves even more? Love and intimacy also weren’t built strictly for romantic relationships. I have absolutely found soulmates in some of my dearest friends. Does the fact that there’s a lack of romantic interest suddenly mean that this relationship is inherently less? Absolutely not. 

The wonderful thing about emotional intimacy is how much it truly teaches us. It teaches us the art of seeing. It teaches us the art of listening. There is so much potential to learn more and more about ourselves and the world surrounding us. And if anything, emotional intimacy can heighten the benefits of physical intimacy. These levels of trust and understanding can be reflected in many ways. 

When someone is openly expressing and sharing their passions, this to me is alluring. An intimate moment can be found in something as simple as sharing music. It can be someone surprising you with a homemade baked good. It can be someone writing to you saying they were thinking of you, or recommending a favorite movie that reminded them of you. Emotional intimacy never ceases to enhance the love and wonder I have when it comes to building genuine relationships with the ones I love.


Gemma Farquhar is the writer of "Gemma's Gem of the Week" and author of "The Shape of Something New." She is passionate about the future of storytelling and welcomes all ages to her column.

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